Holistic Healing Trauma Dissociation using the victim mentality


Some people had it so bad that their self-compassion and natural abilities to self-heal got blocked. Self-healing is done through the inner child. Remember when we were little and as emotions came we felt it all?  Smiling all the time is not natural, but that's how we are indoctrinated to be as we grow. As there are not just one emotion in the universe there is also no way that
we can be happy all the time. Blocking the less pleasant emotions is the root cause of depression. There is so much unfinished grief the person can only feel a void for a long time. 
That usually comes from a very difficult childhood and parents who denied their children the expression of emotions. Being bullied as a child or teenager is very harmful to our self-image. We are supposed to be our own person, but our parents and society tell us:  'What others are going to think?',  'How are you going to look' or their subconscious actions show us we should care about what others think. That's how little by little, a child stops being genuine and spontaneous, and that's a joy killer.

This is a very judgmental world and when people dismiss our pain we think that our feelings are not important because we look for outside validation and permission to grieve. This is a condition, a mind-control but not a Universal Truth. The reality is that Source and the Universe ARE Loving and whatever you feel is natural. You are allowed to feel everything. There is no judging, only Love.  

We all had some 'friends' or relatives that didn't have time for us, that got fed up, that said that we should get over our grief, trauma or pain or that they had it worse than us or any excuse because they actually didn't give a damn.
That's why it's so important to know ourselves, it's the number one lesson in life.
When I realized that I always made time and empathized with others - be them humans or animals - I realized when someone talks like that they are very wounded or they actually don't care about me at all. Because if I did the same to someone else it would mean I washed my hands and I'm not helping that person anymore. But to judge someone's pain and say it's not that bad or tell them to get over it or shame them it's cruel and a disgusting thing to do. Talk about kicking someone when they are down, it's done a lot in this world. That's something I never did. I washed my hands from helping a lot of energy vampires though, but I never shamed, judged someone's pain or dismissed their problem.

For those who are stuck or worse, like I was, trying to be a powerful girl and then woman all my life, I got stuck behind a strong facade because I believed in the 'fake it 'till you make it' lie. The truth was that I subconsciously felt powerless, hurt and like the whole world was against me. I tried to build  strength behind this mask I didn't consciously realize I was wearing through anger, aggression and other types of lower energies. That can only lead to one ending up drained as the Universe doesn't support one not living and building things in a foundation of Truth, and as such I fell.
I had a feeling throughout my 20s that I was always pushing forward, like life was too hard and I didn't have what it took, not really knowing what was wrong with me.  I had energy blocks, the more unfelt pain I had the weaker and drained I felt.
I was so wounded I didn't realized I was traumatized and dissociative for over 30 years. I even found a professional psychologist that told me I had no problems,  shamed and judged me when it was the perfect opportunity for a mainstream 'expert'  to have recognized I was traumatized. The same happened with a veterinarian who didn't care at all about a pigeon I rescued. These experiences were painful and extremely disappointing, but it made me figure out step-by-step what is really going on in this world. I exchanged the mainstream facts for my intuition. It doesn't mean I don't listen to them, in fact, I am always learning but we need to think and see for ourselves. Like Da Vinci said: learn how to see.
That was the only time I looked for therapy. I'm not saying it's bad, but I want to warn you to look for many professionals before you settle. If anyone is judging or shaming you walk away. No matter how strong you are sometimes a big number of people criticizing or pointing your flaws can leave a negative impact.
When the number is great you might feel overwhelmed.There are no 'experts' out there that know you more than you do you.
The number of people that can overwhelm you it's like bullying. If the leader had the courage to come at you alone you could deal with them, maybe, even when you were very young. If they come in groups you are gaslighted and cowards know this. Obviously, we need to evolve and become better versions of ourselves, but an awakened person can deal with their own shadows  as they find them.
People who keep pointing at everything don't have the guts to look at themselves so they criticize those around them. No statues wherever erected after a critic and never will as they are the cancer of society. Try to slowly overcome what was said about you and remember what these cowards really are inside. Not to mention they're seeing themselves in you, they are not talking about you but themselves. Judgemental people are embarrassing themselves to those who understand human nature and can read people.

For the extremely traumatized, feeling like a victim can be beneficial. I found no one to validate or give me permission to grieve.
I got fed up with the lack of compassion in society and it struck me that I owed to be everything that I needed to myself, even if no one else did it for me or showed me how, even the many people I freely helped.
The sense of self-compassion and acceptance was overwhelming. It felt like awakening because that's what it was. I don't need anyone to give me permission to live my reality. It's my truth, my life, my feelings, my grief, my lessons and my story. And it's for those who are where I've been that I created this blog for.

We have infinite things that could happen, it's not possible to always find a like-hearted (not minded) person to share because many experiences are meant for us to live it fully  and therefore we go through it alone so we fully imerse ourselves in them. It doesn't mean we're not being watched over.

For those who are really stuck in trauma, it's hard to have self-compassion because they dissociate. Siding with the abuser is a subconscious mechanism for us to be able to endure the pain. When we were children and couldn't defend ourselves the only thing left after years of aggression is to agree with our own enemies. That's why some people that don't know how to clean, heal their subconscious beliefs and paradigm carry a bully's opinion of themselves for the rest of their lives, thinking everyone else is feeling the same thing about them. Refusing to acknowledge uncomfortable feelings and harmful beliefs give us anxiety. Most of the time it's not a disease, it's just a need for a part of us to be witnessed and healed.  Other times it is because we are acting in a certain way that doesn, match our beliefs. This lack of alignment between heart, soul, mind, body and spirit send alarm bells. Panic attacks will come after anxiety came and went and we ignored that inner child enough, now she's screaming.

When the world turns their back at you, when you are all alone to face everything that you already went through and continuously go through or when you feel like you cannot go on another day it's time to decide that you need to become your best friend, your sister, your own big brother, the mother you never had, your father, your advocate, your biggest cheerleader, your coach and your greatest fan!

There comes a time in life where you need to decide where your allegiance lies. Decisions are not made once, it's an everyday rinse and repeat thing until you become what you dreamed of. Be patient and know that it's okay to go back and forth a little, that you're going to fall off the wagon and then realize how bad it was so you want to go back to it when you can. Have self-compassion and understanding like you would give a beloved child or animal. If you have love inside of you for others, you need to give equally to yourself as well.

Empaths need to be careful with the giving a lot because they can feel the pain around them and sometimes they forget themselves.

Acknowledging that life was difficult and opening this space to feel sorry for ourselves will melt this dissociation and the subconsciously agreeing with our tormentors. Feeling empathy for yourself will stop shaming, judging and the guilt victims carry as if being traumatized the first time wasn't painful enough. And by trauma I don't mean what the mainstream considers to be so horrific. Being shamed, being humiliated, being betrayed or any type of pain that came without anyone ever touching you physically is ALSO trauma. There is no comparing and it all depends on someone's purpose, where their soul is accumulated in the body and their story. Some people might get more emotionally wounded because they are highly sensitive empaths, while physical traumas wouldn't have that big effect on them.
We also have to take into consideration that we live in a fake pyramid system that is trying to slow down Ascension because these entities profiting and benefiting from it don't know where they will go when this grid breaks down and Earth is completely freed. It's almost done already but it depends on each of us going within, healing and living in compassion towards our selves, animals and Mother Earth. That's why Lightworkers  talk a lot about healing. So keep in mind that spiritual people truly walking the righteous path of compassion, integrity and truth has been attacked throughout human history. It's a dying system that rewards the psychopaths. That's why emotions, spirituality and being different is generally discouraged and shamed so the system doesn't change and Lightworkers don't bring the new. Change is coming though as the whole universe is transmuting from within and without.

When we are traumatized we are in a time loop. We are thrown into another dimension where the pain is as raw and immediate as ten years, decades ago, it's like we haven't healed even a little bit. Practice self-love, care and compassion and forget how society demands us to be arrogant, to show we are winning and fake happiness. We have gains and losses, life is not one-sided and if the majority out there cannot side with you and show compassion don't follow their example.

Would you shame or judge someone you feel sorry for?

Exactly! That's how the initial 'feeling sorry' will help you: if you are too traumatized, if you never found support and went through pure loneliness, suffering and despair then extreme measures are required as to feel sorry for yourself.
I couldn't jump into self-compassion, I grieved when I found how f***ed up my whole life was and had to be in that place for a long time. I didn't know how to sympathize with me, I had to start low and the rock bottom is feeling sorry for that girl who had absolutely no one but was traumatized every day and night, for that teenager, and I still sometimes grieve for that lost woman in my 20s, who thought she had friends but was surrounded by narcissistic wolves in sheep's clothing.

I've been there, that's how I know how healing this can be. For a society that loves showing off the good and hides the bad like it's a shame and a sin, feeling sorry for ourselves is almost despised, but those people who cannot feel empathy are actually very sick individuals. A real and full Human Being is empathic.

Self-pity is a period though, and we shouldn't be there for years and years. Be mindful that you will need to come out of that and take responsibility, as much as you need to stay there for as long as it takes. I remained in this phase for maybe two years because in 3 decades no one had compassion for me and neither did I. It happened after my Dark Night of the Soul. I just stopped in time for a while and was flooded with love, understanding and self-compassion that was missing all my life for being born from a narcissistic mother, psychopathic brother, bullying, abuse and even entity attacks growing up.
People who don't occupy their hearts and refuse to evolve and get better are easily possessed and they were also used, even strangers. For most of my life, I really doubted what I was perceiving. It was really hard to stand on my side and be my friend because the number of people being rude, criticizing, attacking and so on was overwhelming. I believed in them for a long while. My own ex-mom wished I was never born and that she had aborted me. She told me when I was 5 years old that she almost did it. I felt like an annoying burden and was plagued by shame all my life. It felt so awful being me I was committing suicide at 13 when a miracle happened that stopped me.

Nowadays and after a lot of practice and going back and forth - because it's not all happy ending and it's done, there is a lot of trying again - when something happens I do get hurt like a normal human being but I can easily go into this protective bubble inside of myself and shower me with what I need.
I don't need or ask of it from a man, from a guru from an angel or any outside source. I expect and receive it from me. That's how light is generated from within and we stop being parasitical towards other people and animals. Well, the animal part is by evolving to Vegan. They were never created for our use and are here for themselves.

I do get help from my Star Family and Angels. As I mentioned, I even received intervention a few times. What I mean is that I first count on me and trust my intuition, going deeply into contemplation to what needs healing, witnessing or listening to in my heart, soul or subconscious mind. After being in this meditative state for a while then I might ask for help, protection, guidance and so on. We are conditioned to immediately go outside and abandon ourselves and then count on someone else. Now, if we go within first then we harmonize, empower and heal ourselves. We came here independently, we are born and die alone. We are conditioned to get and depend on others for everything, that's why we lose ourselves and our energy as we grow old. Then we resent each other because others didn't give us exactly what we needed, or we are left wanting one thing for the rest of our lives because something is missing.
That's why partners put expectations on the other in a relationship. We can never change someone. When we expect something from someone else, from a religious cult or a system it means we need to create that and also give that to our selves. I've been brainwashed with the prince in a white horse type of mind control they put into girl's fairy tales. For all my life I try to figure out how to heal this, and I realized I was already defending others, I am an activist and I had to subconsciously be on my side and defend myself. Not side with the abusers, gossipers or the many types of attacks I received throughout my life. The truth was I didn't need a man to defend me. The thing that is missing from our lives also have to do with our life purpose.
It's not easy to find, but we need to go within a few minutes every day and see how we are doing in life, and how can we be better to our selves and to the planet tomorrow. That's how we change our lives, ourselves and bring World Peace, finally. We look into ourselves with honesty and compassion first, with no ego, and then we make slight adjustments.

We don't need a boyfriend to be happy, we don't need to be a millionaire and we don't need dozens of friends. If the relationships are not deep and fulfilling then it's worthless to have a big number.

We did not come here to be loved, accepted or admired. We came here for infinite reasons and we need to love ourselves so we can become all that will make us happy and keep us growing, but when we are not accepted, loved and so on it doesn't need to be the end of the world. It has nothing to do with us or our qualities.  

I love you very much. 
I really hope this helps and I'm sorry for what happened.
Marta








No comments: